Threads of PermanenceI will risk myself by endeavoring to communicate any persisting feeling, positive or negative, to my partner -- to the full depth that I understand it in myself -- as a living, present part of me. Then I will risk further by trying to understand, will all the empathy I can bring to bear, his or her response, whether it is accusatory and critical or sharing and self-revealing. We will live by our own choices, the deepest organismic sensings of which we are capable, but we will not be shaped by the wishes, the rules, the roles which others are all too eager to thrust upon us. Perhaps I can discover and come closer to more of what I really am deep inside -- feeling sometimes angry or terrified, sometimes loving and caring, occasionally beautiful and strong or wild and awful -- without hiding these feelings from myself. Perhaps I can come to prize myself as the richly varied person I am. Perhaps I can openly be more of this person. If so, I can live by my own experienced values, even though I am aware of all of society's codes. Then I can let myself be all this complexity of feelings and meanings and values with my partner -- be free enough to give of love and anger and tenderness as they exist in me. Possibly then I can be a real member of a partnership, because I am on the road to being a real person. And I am hopeful that I can encourage my partner to follow his or her own road to a unique personhood, which I would love to share. |